Not every day is rosy and fun. We don’t wake up every morning with bluebirds singing at our windowsill and gentle deer waving satin ribbons in our midst.
In fact, some days the dog pukes right before our alarm goes off.
And the day is set in motion.
A horrible, downward spiraling motion.
But the whole way down, I am consistently aware that I am making a choice to continue in the spiral. The entire tirade of “where’s the carpet cleaner?!-why is he puking?!- and why can’t he make it to the %$#$!@ tile?!!” is punctuated by my own inner thought of “why is this such a big damn deal?”
Ultimately, it’s not. It’s a choice to make it a big deal. It’s a choice to view it as an attack on my personal space and time or a minor inconvenience in my morning. And what about poor Mason? Do I think he WANTED to get sick at 6:25 A.M.?
My point, I guess, is that in the midst of anger and blame there is chaos and confusion. There is no room in those emotions for rational thinking. And – I believe – without rational thinking there can be no deliberately chosen response. It’s all improv, and not even very good improv at that. A positive, healthy lifestyle also involves living deliberately. Experiencing each moment for what it offers us, valuing the experience for what we can learn from it. From dog puke to real disasters, I think it’s important to relate kindly to each other so we can get through the situation a little more easily.
Thankfully, we were able to talk and laugh again before the cleanup was complete, and everyone is cheerful in the Mainiero home once more. I recognize that we all made a choice at that moment, and I am grateful for it.
We are not guaranteed a future. We have now. Shouldn’t we make it the best NOW that it can be? Dog puke and all??
Showing posts with label interpersonal skills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label interpersonal skills. Show all posts
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Day 63: Back to School
My kids have two more days of summer, but they will be far from lazy days. We are in high-gear trying to get ready and adjusted to the idea of a brand new school year. Last night I imposed on Dom my mental list of ToDos in an effort to satisfy my need for everyone to be on the same page, more so than for anyone else’s benefit.
Basically, it seems everyone is willing to go with the flow and/or whatever I suggest needs to be done rather than interject their own thoughts or spend these last two days of summer (God forbid) planning the first few weeks of school. I think they all know that I’d rather we all do it my way, and being the sweethearts that they are, everyone plays along.
Maybe this weekend has just been too hectic. Maybe I spread myself too thin, and this is my knee-jerk reaction to feeling pulled in too many different directions. I feel the uncontrollable urge to pre-pack the next two weeks’ lunches or something equally illogical. I feel like I just got the kids on a summer routine, and now I have to switch it all up again. I usually go through this each August, if I recall correctly. And within a week or two, I realize that the school year is actually EASIER than the summer, albeit busier, and everything just falls into place.
My moments of reflection bring me back to some basic understandings: 1) I cannot change people and - sometimes - situations, 2) I can change my attitude toward a situation, and 3) there is no rule that says I have to do it perfectly.
I believe I should make a habit of allowing my inner peace to direct my outer chaos.
Basically, it seems everyone is willing to go with the flow and/or whatever I suggest needs to be done rather than interject their own thoughts or spend these last two days of summer (God forbid) planning the first few weeks of school. I think they all know that I’d rather we all do it my way, and being the sweethearts that they are, everyone plays along.
Maybe this weekend has just been too hectic. Maybe I spread myself too thin, and this is my knee-jerk reaction to feeling pulled in too many different directions. I feel the uncontrollable urge to pre-pack the next two weeks’ lunches or something equally illogical. I feel like I just got the kids on a summer routine, and now I have to switch it all up again. I usually go through this each August, if I recall correctly. And within a week or two, I realize that the school year is actually EASIER than the summer, albeit busier, and everything just falls into place.
My moments of reflection bring me back to some basic understandings: 1) I cannot change people and - sometimes - situations, 2) I can change my attitude toward a situation, and 3) there is no rule that says I have to do it perfectly.
I believe I should make a habit of allowing my inner peace to direct my outer chaos.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Day 57: Practicing the Fine Art of Delegation
A few nights ago Aaron was organizing his Pokemon cards and noted that he had too many of a certain card, and the pile was overstuffing the binder pocket page and causing it to break.
“Looks like you need a Ziploc baggie to put the extra cards in. That way, you can keep them, but you don’t have to have them taking up room in your binder. I’ll grab one from the kitchen for you.“ (Mommy always has a solution.)
“Okay,” replied my sweet boy.
I continued doing whatever-it-is-I-was-doing in his room and then left to get distracted by something else.
It dawned on me the next morning that I never did go get the Ziploc for him. And yes, I actually felt sorry for him, what with having such a useless mom and all.
But wait a minute. Is that really how this should have played out? Wouldn’t it have been much better if I had just said, “Looks like you need a Ziploc baggie…Do you know where they are? Bottom drawer by the dishwasher? Go ahead and get one, sweetie.”
This simple act of delegating would have solved two problems. 1) Aaron would gain more experience in resolving his own issue, and 2) I would not have any reason to beat myself up for forgetting something and letting someone down.
It has always been my habit to see a way to make something better, suggest it, and then offer to do it so that whoever will benefit most will also be inconvenienced the least.
Strangely, that’s how I’ve rolled.
Today I will start making a concentrated effort at delegating for everyone’s own good.
“Looks like you need a Ziploc baggie to put the extra cards in. That way, you can keep them, but you don’t have to have them taking up room in your binder. I’ll grab one from the kitchen for you.“ (Mommy always has a solution.)
“Okay,” replied my sweet boy.
I continued doing whatever-it-is-I-was-doing in his room and then left to get distracted by something else.
It dawned on me the next morning that I never did go get the Ziploc for him. And yes, I actually felt sorry for him, what with having such a useless mom and all.
But wait a minute. Is that really how this should have played out? Wouldn’t it have been much better if I had just said, “Looks like you need a Ziploc baggie…Do you know where they are? Bottom drawer by the dishwasher? Go ahead and get one, sweetie.”
This simple act of delegating would have solved two problems. 1) Aaron would gain more experience in resolving his own issue, and 2) I would not have any reason to beat myself up for forgetting something and letting someone down.
It has always been my habit to see a way to make something better, suggest it, and then offer to do it so that whoever will benefit most will also be inconvenienced the least.
Strangely, that’s how I’ve rolled.
Today I will start making a concentrated effort at delegating for everyone’s own good.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Day 6: Speak!
I’m not so sure I’m going to be any good at this change. But I am determined to try. I have a hard time speaking my mind when I disagree with someone. For me, it’s not a matter of opinion; it’s a matter of courtesy. But when I leave an aggravating situation or conversation and want to vent my frustration to the first person who will listen, I am accutely aware that this kind, listening friend is not the one who needs to hear how I really feel. I should have told it to the person who ticked me off in the first place.
Take Friday. I always go to Starbucks on Friday morning for coffee, and I get drinks for the Starbucks fans at work too. Each of them has a Starbucks card or cash that they send with me, so I make separate payments at the register. And, out of courtesy, I ALWAYS preface my order with, “I need four drinks, but I’m paying for each separately. Is that okay?” As a customer, I realize I do not need their permission, but I think it’s nice to warn them anyway. Hell, I even sweetly smile when I say it! In two years of Friday visits I have never been answered with anything other than, “Of course it’s okay! What’s the first drink?!”
Until this past Friday. At a location I don’t usually frequent on Friday mornings, the barrista looked at me, rolled his eyes ever so slightly, and replied with barely-hidden disgust, “I guess so.”
If you know me AT ALL, you know what I said... “Thank you. The first drink is a grande…”
What I SHOULD have done was politely call him on the attitude right then. It would have saved me the further aggravation at the end of my transactions when the barrista addressed the gentleman behind me and said, “Man, I’m sorry about that.”
WHAAAAA? I was in the middle of apologizing on my own to the guy when I heard the barrista. I felt bad for holding up the line, and always apologize to those behind me when it takes longer than normal. Understand, I apologize out of courtesy, not out of regret. I am gonna get my coffee come hell or high water. I am at least nice enough to not pull that crap in the drive-thru. I walk in if I’m making more than one payment…always! So, I’m thinking that on any weekday at 7:45 a.m., you can generally expect to wait a while at Starbucks. I don’t think I knocked the earth off its axis with my coffee needs.
I left with such a feeling of aggravation, that I wish I had explained to the barrista the importance of service and attitude. But I didn’t. Re-playing the conversation in my head, I have identified the point at which I was first aware of the problem (an important step in any situational review) and I can pin-point that same moment in other problematic situations. It is at that point that I need to speak up. Gently, but firmly speaking my mind in a way that lets the other person know they have crossed a line. Whether they change as a result will not be in my control. But I can only leave it with them if I tell them how I feel.
THIS is going to be my hardest change so far…
Take Friday. I always go to Starbucks on Friday morning for coffee, and I get drinks for the Starbucks fans at work too. Each of them has a Starbucks card or cash that they send with me, so I make separate payments at the register. And, out of courtesy, I ALWAYS preface my order with, “I need four drinks, but I’m paying for each separately. Is that okay?” As a customer, I realize I do not need their permission, but I think it’s nice to warn them anyway. Hell, I even sweetly smile when I say it! In two years of Friday visits I have never been answered with anything other than, “Of course it’s okay! What’s the first drink?!”
Until this past Friday. At a location I don’t usually frequent on Friday mornings, the barrista looked at me, rolled his eyes ever so slightly, and replied with barely-hidden disgust, “I guess so.”
If you know me AT ALL, you know what I said... “Thank you. The first drink is a grande…”
What I SHOULD have done was politely call him on the attitude right then. It would have saved me the further aggravation at the end of my transactions when the barrista addressed the gentleman behind me and said, “Man, I’m sorry about that.”
WHAAAAA? I was in the middle of apologizing on my own to the guy when I heard the barrista. I felt bad for holding up the line, and always apologize to those behind me when it takes longer than normal. Understand, I apologize out of courtesy, not out of regret. I am gonna get my coffee come hell or high water. I am at least nice enough to not pull that crap in the drive-thru. I walk in if I’m making more than one payment…always! So, I’m thinking that on any weekday at 7:45 a.m., you can generally expect to wait a while at Starbucks. I don’t think I knocked the earth off its axis with my coffee needs.
I left with such a feeling of aggravation, that I wish I had explained to the barrista the importance of service and attitude. But I didn’t. Re-playing the conversation in my head, I have identified the point at which I was first aware of the problem (an important step in any situational review) and I can pin-point that same moment in other problematic situations. It is at that point that I need to speak up. Gently, but firmly speaking my mind in a way that lets the other person know they have crossed a line. Whether they change as a result will not be in my control. But I can only leave it with them if I tell them how I feel.
THIS is going to be my hardest change so far…
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