I’m not so sure I’m going to be any good at this change. But I am determined to try. I have a hard time speaking my mind when I disagree with someone. For me, it’s not a matter of opinion; it’s a matter of courtesy. But when I leave an aggravating situation or conversation and want to vent my frustration to the first person who will listen, I am accutely aware that this kind, listening friend is not the one who needs to hear how I really feel. I should have told it to the person who ticked me off in the first place.
Take Friday. I always go to Starbucks on Friday morning for coffee, and I get drinks for the Starbucks fans at work too. Each of them has a Starbucks card or cash that they send with me, so I make separate payments at the register. And, out of courtesy, I ALWAYS preface my order with, “I need four drinks, but I’m paying for each separately. Is that okay?” As a customer, I realize I do not need their permission, but I think it’s nice to warn them anyway. Hell, I even sweetly smile when I say it! In two years of Friday visits I have never been answered with anything other than, “Of course it’s okay! What’s the first drink?!”
Until this past Friday. At a location I don’t usually frequent on Friday mornings, the barrista looked at me, rolled his eyes ever so slightly, and replied with barely-hidden disgust, “I guess so.”
If you know me AT ALL, you know what I said... “Thank you. The first drink is a grande…”
What I SHOULD have done was politely call him on the attitude right then. It would have saved me the further aggravation at the end of my transactions when the barrista addressed the gentleman behind me and said, “Man, I’m sorry about that.”
WHAAAAA? I was in the middle of apologizing on my own to the guy when I heard the barrista. I felt bad for holding up the line, and always apologize to those behind me when it takes longer than normal. Understand, I apologize out of courtesy, not out of regret. I am gonna get my coffee come hell or high water. I am at least nice enough to not pull that crap in the drive-thru. I walk in if I’m making more than one payment…always! So, I’m thinking that on any weekday at 7:45 a.m., you can generally expect to wait a while at Starbucks. I don’t think I knocked the earth off its axis with my coffee needs.
I left with such a feeling of aggravation, that I wish I had explained to the barrista the importance of service and attitude. But I didn’t. Re-playing the conversation in my head, I have identified the point at which I was first aware of the problem (an important step in any situational review) and I can pin-point that same moment in other problematic situations. It is at that point that I need to speak up. Gently, but firmly speaking my mind in a way that lets the other person know they have crossed a line. Whether they change as a result will not be in my control. But I can only leave it with them if I tell them how I feel.
THIS is going to be my hardest change so far…
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